Ben Norris

Really fun to watch the NBA All-Star dunk contest tonight. Whoever won, the other person would have been shafted. Felt very similar to 1988 contest back in Chicago with the scoring at the end. The judges just picked a winner and ignored the dunks. Impressive stuff though! 🏀

What an entertaining game the Super Bowl was. I was cheering for my childhood team, the 49ers, but was glad to see Andy Reid get a victory. Fun family time! 🏈

📖 Leadership and Self-Deception

By The Arbinger Institute

🎧 📖 The Anatomy of Peace

By The Arbinger Institute

What an exciting season for LSU. Sure enjoyed watching this last game. Congrats to LSU and to Clemson. 🏈

I was trying to make a pancake in the shape of a sword for my son’s birthday. Annie (5yo) came up to look at it.

Annie: “Dad, what’s that?”

Me: “It’s a sword.”

Annie: “Oh, yeah, it looks like one!”

Micah (7yo): “I want to see! What is it?”

Annie: “Dad made a sword pancake. It kind of looks like one.”

Micah: “It looks more like a spear than a sword.”

After it was done cooking, Annie went over to my son. “Dad made you a pancake for your birthday. He did the best he could.”

Following in the tradition I saw first from @dimsumthinking, here are my three words for 2020:

Mistake
Carry
Give

More on my goals here.

📺 Finished season one of The Mandalorian

As we move into the new year, I have been considering new goals. I sketched new phone wallpapers to keep them in front of me. My goals are to make more mistakes and carry less to give more.

As I wrote about last year, I tried a different approach to my goals. In the past, I have often set a number of goals, as well as rules for myself to try and move myself forward and accomplish more. Last year, my goals were more simple: be intentional, be present, and be curious. After a few weeks, I sketched a wallpaper for my phone to help me remember them.

Overall, these goals were extremely helpful for me in 2019. It was a relief to not have a series of intense goals that encouraged my sense of perfectionism. I would not say that I was perfect at my goals, but as I continued to focus on them, they were helpful to come back to again and again.

I have often enjoyed the changing of the year as a time for reflection and anticipation. I was writing in my journal last week as I considered the question of what my new goals would be.

The one that I know that I would like to embrace this next year is make mistakes. I’ve been thinking that the phone background that I want is a nicely designed sign that says, “Here we make mistakes” so that I can carry that with me all the time.

As I started pondering this question, the other thing that stood out to me is to carry less. I have a tendency to carry the emotional burdens of others, and as an empath, I feel those keenly as well. Especially since I am hoping to start talking more about mental health at work, I think it is crucial that I learn how to connect with someone in their pain and not take it with me.

Having decided on those two goals, I started sketching some wallpapers. As I did that, I thought more about the second goal and what the purpose is. I realized that the key is that I want to be able to direct my emotional energy to my highest priorities. My natural response to someone else’s suffering is to carry the perceived injustice. And because of my OCD, I tend to ruminate on the issue, and it weighs heavily on me.

With that realization, I had my three goals. There is nothing magical about having three, but there is a nice symmetry to it. In many ways, they are pretty focused on my home life with my family. I want to work to make our home a safe place to make mistakes and learn together. And then I want to make sure that I reserve enough energy to devote to my family. Too often, I will come home from work exhausted because something happened that drained me. I want to fully engage at work, but not at the expense of being able to engage at home.

I decided this year to split up the goals between the lock screen and the home screen. As I go to turn on my phone, I will remember each time that I want to make more mistakes and become more comfortable with that. And as I start to engage more with my phone and whatever I’m trying to do with it, I want to see my family and be reminded of my priority.

One last word—the apps in my dock. Last year, I improved my mental state by switching up the apps in my dock to include apps without badges. I changed it further as I took my phone grayscale and tried to focus more on creation than consumption. Going into this year, I made further adjustments. I have the apps Calm, Things, iA Writer, and Day One now in my dock. I’ve adjusted the badges so that I rarely have anything show in my dock in order to pay more attention when I do. All of these apps help to focus me on the actions that I want to be taking with my phone.

I am excited for 2020. I hope to continue the great momentum of the last few months, especially in raising awareness and decreasing stigma around mental health. Hopefully I can leave some of the really hard parts of 2019 behind and just enjoy the lessons learned and the ways in which I have grown. Here’s to a great year! 🎊

What a different experience from the earlier playoff game. Congrats to Clemson for a fantastic win and to Ohio State for an amazing season. Such an exciting one to watch! 🏈

As Micah (7yo) and I were standing in the bathroom looking at the near infinite reflection in the opposing mirrors, he said, “Dad, I just wish I could sneeze with my eyes open.”

Me: “Then your eyes would pop out.”

Micah: “I know. I just wish they would keep working. When I try and look in these mirrors that go on for miles and miles, my head just gets in the way. So I want to hold them out like this so that I can see all the way.” (As he holds his hands out to the side of his head and ducks out of the way.)

Micah (7yo): “Dad, do you believe in them?”

Me: “In what, bud?”

Micah: “In the zombies under my bed.”

Me: “Oh, that sounds scary!”

Micah: “No, I speak their language.”

Me: “Are they nice?”

Micah: “Only to people who speak their language.”

Me: “What does it sound like?”

Micah: “Urrgh mmrrgh errrr ggrrr.”

Annie: “Oh, like this–I can speak it too. Mmrrgh aarrgh errr.”

Micah: “No, it’s more nerdy. Get it, Dad? More Nerd-y. (As he eats a scoop of Nerds) Ha. Ha. Ha.”

🎥 Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

With IT department

I felt so lucky to present with our wellness leader to over a hundred manufacturing employees at my company today on mental health. I was introduced as the “company mental health mascot” and have never been prouder of a title before. Really touched by the response. 🧠

Micah (7yo) was taking out the yellow bin filled with recycling. “I need someone to come hold the garbage lid up.”

Wife: “Just put the bucket down and open the lid and then pick it back up and dump it in.”

Micah: “What, and you think gravity will just stop!?”

Annie (5yo): “Can I marry Micah (her 7yo brother)?”

Wife: “No, you have to marry someone you’re not related to.”

Annie: “I’m not related to Conor! (her 5yo friend) Conor, do you want to marry me?”

Conor: “Uhh…”

Wife: “Well, you have to be older, so maybe he’ll think about it more when he gets older.”

Annie: “Conor! Conor! Conor! Do you want to marry me? Do you want to marry me?”

Conor: “Uhh, I just like going to school.”

🎥 A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Spontaneous date with my wife and baby

I was struck this morning by how beautiful the moss looked on the trunk of this tree. It was a welcome pleasant thought to offset the dark swirl occupying my mind. 🧘🏻‍♂️

What a disappointing loss for the Utes tonight. I was so sure we had a good chance at the playoffs. Oh well. Such a great season! 🏈

😂 Micah (7yo) called to my wife, “BBS.”

He took five steps, then went back, and said, “I made up a new one: BBS. It means ‘be back soon.’”

He took off again, and then turned around and said, “But this case, non-BBS. Because I’m busy watching football.” Then he left for good.

What a shameful, degrading ad I just saw on @FOXSports for the OUvOSU game.

“What was the original meaning of the word bedlam? An asylum. Literally, a mad house.”

With its images and tone, it was a serious blow to society’s view of mental health. We can & must do better.

Micah (7yo): “Do I need braces? My brother said I do because my bottom teeth are getting brown.”

Wife: “You need to brush for that, not braces.”

Me: “I’ve seen people who had black teeth and some fell out from not brushing.”

Annie (5yo): “Ugh! I’m glad you brush your teeth.”

Micah, a little worried: “If teeth are black, can you brush them and turn them white?”

Me: “No. When they are black, they are dead.”

Micah: “When they are brown, can you?”

Me: “Yes, you can get them white. But you need to brush morning and night every day.”

Micah: “I haven’t been brushing at night.”

Me: “Thanks for telling–“

Micah: “It’s because I don’t have time. Cuz I’m so tired after a long chore day!” (With a significant look at my wife.)

(After a couple minutes) Micah: “Did you ever see black teeth on the ground?”

Me: “No, I never saw them fall out.”

Micah: “Does the tooth fairy take black teeth?”

Me and my wife: “NO! Definitely not.”

The traditional holiday season can be full of joy, but also sorrow and heartache. Even for those who do not struggle with mental illnesses, there are many reasons that could cause this time of year to be difficult.

As I mentioned last week, we had the opportunity to spend some time with our IT department on mental health and wellness. A number of people asked for the slides, and I sent a PDF out right before Thanksgiving. I had the thought that this was a perfect chance to remind everyone about some of the struggles that the holidays can bring.

I discussed with my therapist this week some anxiety around the family time. She told me that this is a common time for everyone to have an increase in anxiety, especially those who struggle with their mental health. It is important to plan ahead and have some strategies for self-care.

As I drafted my email, I found a great article on the NAMI.org blog:

Many people can experience feelings of anxiety or depression during the holiday season. People who already live with a mental health condition should take extra care to tend to their overall health and wellness during this time.

Extra stress, unrealistic expectations or even sentimental memories that accompany the season can be a catalyst for the holiday blues. Some can be at risk for feelings of loneliness, sadness, fatigue, tension and a sense of loss.

Whatever your mental state, or that of those around you, this time of year is a great time for extra compassion and sensitivity. Not everyone loves to celebrate the holidays, but we all could use someone who cares for us.

🎥 Frozen II

With Grandpa and the oldest five kids

Looking forward to a nice holiday weekend with family. Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃