My wife and 3yo were drawing together, and my wife drew this picture.

3yo: “What is that?”

Wife: “Well, it was going to be a frog.”

3yo: “And then what happened?”

😂

My wife made up a color matching game which our 3yo loved.

Our 22mo girl started playing and put things wherever. My wife said, “Good job! You’re doing it.”

The 3yo got right up in her face. “No. You are not doing well.”

Then she got mad and trashed the game.

😂

7yo: “I like puppies better than dogs.”

Me: “Do you know what happens to puppies?”

7yo: “What?”

Me: “They become dogs.”

7yo:

Me: “Puppies are baby dogs.”

7yo: “Yeah, but they’re mostly puppies.”

😂

We let the kids open sibling gifts this morning and the 8yo received a water game, some bubble gum, and a multi-tool. He was so excited. “Dad, these gifts are perfect! They are from my three favorite categories—weapons, games, and food.” 😂

My 2yo was sitting next me eating breakfast and turned and sprayed on the side of my face.

Me: “We don’t spit on people.”

2yo: “Oh, ok. But I like to spit on bees. Cuz they’re stoopid.”

Me: “Oh, that’s not a nice word.”

2yo: “It’s not for people. It’s just for bees. Cuz they’re stoopid.”

My wife came down to grab her phone and called a greeting through my office door. I popped out to say hi, and we were embracing when our 8yo came down the stairs. I didn’t know who it was, but I could hear a child coming down, so I said, “Hold on! We’re having a moment.”

From the stairs, he said, “Nuts!”

Then he came around the corner and saw us kissing, he said, “Ew! Ok, I will wait.”

After maybe ten more seconds, he said, “You guys do that all the time. You’ve done it for like 50 days.”

Wife: “Oh, I wish!”

Me: “One day, maybe you will have a moment too, with your wife.”

8yo: “I don’t think I’ll want to do that.”

We couldn’t keep going for laughing, so we separated, and I started for him, and said, “Now it’s your turn!”

8yo: “Yikes! No, I don’t want that.”

After we talked for a little bit (about the coupons), he went to leave, and I said, “Now I want to have to have a moment with you.”

8yo: “Ok, but no kissing.”

My 8yo came down with some coupons from a mailer to ask if I went to some of these places by myself, and if so, he would give me the coupons.

8yo: “Do you go to Popeyes?”

Me: “Yes.”

8yo: “Knew it. Here you go. Burger King?”

Me: “Nope.”

8yo: “Thought not. Arby’s?”

Me: “No.”

8yo: “I thought you’d go there. They have great cheese sticks. Or whatever they’re called.”

My 2yo was drinking out of his cup as I got him ready for bed, and as he finished it, I asked, “Would you like more water?”

2yo: “There is no more water. It all gone.”

Me: “Would you like me to get you more?”

2yo: “Oh, yes. Can you put some from yours into here?”

I poured some more water in and went to put his lid on, but he stopped me, “Will you not put the lid on? It’s not for right now.”

As he started drinking, he said, “Oh, I love Dr. Pepper.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s so good.”

2yo: “This cold Dr. Pepper ‘minds me. I love cold Dr. Pepper.”

Our 2yo came in to sit with my wife as she was in my office while I wrapped up work. When I shut my laptop, he asked, “Are you done meeting-ing?”

Me: “Yes, I am bud.”

He turned to my wife and exclaimed, “He done meeting-ing!”

2yo: “Have to poop again.”

Me: “That’s ok. It happens.”

2yo: “Can I poop in this room?”

Me: “Sure, bud.”

2yo: “Oh, fanks Dad letting me poop in this room!”

Just to be clear, he was wearing a diaper the whole time.

😂

My wife folded the 8yo’s blanket and the edges were uneven.

8yo, as he saw the blanket: “Ohh… Can we just start over?”

Wife, tiny sigh: “Ok.”

8yo: “I’m not saying your work is bad. I’m just saying we do better together.”

😂

My wife and our 2yo were reading a book and he found some new Burt’s Bees chapstick. My wife opened it for him and he put some on his lips and hers.

After she finished the book, he told her it was gone. She started looking around for it in the couch and asked him where it was.

Wife: “Is it on your face?”

He leaned in close and whispered, “I drinked it down.”

Our 6yo was sitting in one of our recliners and the 2yo was rocking her.

6yo: “Please stop rocking me.”

2yo: “No.”

Me: “Come rock me, bud.”

2yo: “Rock youself.”

My 2yo asked me for help before going to the van, “Dad, can you put my shoes on? Just on. Not off, on.”

Apparently this is something I have struggled with in the past… 😂

2yo: “Mom! Mom! My eatmeal is fotten!”

Wife: “Oh, your oatmeal is rotten? I don’t think so–I just made it today. Did you taste it?”

2yo: “No, I looked at it. It fotten.”

😂

My wife was reading a book with the 2yo sitting on her lap and another child next to her. She was reading loud enough that the other child could hear, and the 2yo covered his ears and whispered, “Too loud, Mom!”

My wife would get quieter and kept reading. After a couple minutes, her voice would get louder until he would again cover his ears and whisper, “Too loud!”

This happened a few times before they finally finished the book and auditory balance was restored.

We celebrated Star Wars day by all watching a movie. The older kids watched episode III upstairs for their first time. As the 7yo and 6yo and I watched Star Wars IV for the first time, they both climbed on to my lap as they got scared. The 7yo crawled over from his chair onto my lap. “Is this part scary? Well, just in case…”

The 6yo turned to me during the movie and said, “I just don’t know why. But I feel like I could just reach into the TV and hug Darth Vader. I don’t know why!”

After the movie, the 6yo was walking out and said, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I can’t believe that actually happened.”

Me: “Yeah.”

6yo: “Wait. Did it!? Did that really happen!?”

I came upstairs and realized my hands were super cold. I put them under people’s shirts on their backs, and it was fascinating the different reactions.

7yo boy: Writhed and twisted to get away

6yo girl: No reaction

11yo boy: Yelped and jumped

12yo girl: Yelled and melted on the spot

Wife: An exclamation, “What is that? It’s cold!”

2yo boy: Reached back with his hands to move mine. Commented, “That’s cold!” Two minutes later, said, “Dad, that’s coldy!”

15yo girl: Turned and asked, “What are you doing? Go away!”

The 12yo wanted to leave the table and was told not yet. She sat and glowered, and the 2yo tattled on her. “Excuse me, Mom. Mary’s mean.”

Then he went over and hugged her until she started smiling again. He announced to everyone, “Mary is happy.” 😂

I was changing the 2yo’s diaper and he was talking about drinking cocoa with his older brother.

Me: “And you’ll read some books!”

2yo: “No! I hate books. I hate all of them books. Get me new books!”

😂

😂 The 7yo brought the baby in to my wife for a diaper change, and composed a poem on the spot:

“Cough, cough,
I can’t breathe air;
She‘s got poopy underwear.”

I was trying to make a pancake in the shape of a sword for my son’s birthday. Annie (5yo) came up to look at it.

Annie: “Dad, what’s that?”

Me: “It’s a sword.”

Annie: “Oh, yeah, it looks like one!”

Micah (7yo): “I want to see! What is it?”

Annie: “Dad made a sword pancake. It kind of looks like one.”

Micah: “It looks more like a spear than a sword.”

After it was done cooking, Annie went over to my son. “Dad made you a pancake for your birthday. He did the best he could.”

As Micah (7yo) and I were standing in the bathroom looking at the near infinite reflection in the opposing mirrors, he said, “Dad, I just wish I could sneeze with my eyes open.”

Me: “Then your eyes would pop out.”

Micah: “I know. I just wish they would keep working. When I try and look in these mirrors that go on for miles and miles, my head just gets in the way. So I want to hold them out like this so that I can see all the way.” (As he holds his hands out to the side of his head and ducks out of the way.)

Micah (7yo): “Dad, do you believe in them?”

Me: “In what, bud?”

Micah: “In the zombies under my bed.”

Me: “Oh, that sounds scary!”

Micah: “No, I speak their language.”

Me: “Are they nice?”

Micah: “Only to people who speak their language.”

Me: “What does it sound like?”

Micah: “Urrgh mmrrgh errrr ggrrr.”

Annie: “Oh, like this–I can speak it too. Mmrrgh aarrgh errr.”

Micah: “No, it’s more nerdy. Get it, Dad? More Nerd-y. (As he eats a scoop of Nerds) Ha. Ha. Ha.”