Ben Norris

Training a young puppy and parenting children require the same base set of skills. Getting better at one means that you are immediately better at the other.

We first got a dog after child number three was born. Our oldest was about five, and it seemed like a good time to try this thing out. We went to our local humane society, and fell in love with Popcorn, a poodle-mini mix.

He seemed good with kids because he didn’t bite them as they pulled at him, and we thought we had a winner. We tried to learn a bit about having a dog, but never did any formal training. Owning a dog was a lifelong dream of mine, and I was thrilled. However, we quickly found out that he was a yippy dog, and we had a hard time taking him out around other people or dogs. We realized that what he really wanted was to live with someone who would sit in a comfy armchair and cuddle him for most of the day. So in the end, we ended up selling him to a grandma.

Fast forward eight years and three more children, and we started thinking of getting a dog again. Our oldest is a serious animal lover, and we thought that having something for which she could be responsible would be good for her as well as the fulfillment of a Christmas wish. My wife has a friend who had a litter of puppies and we decided to buy one. He is a mix between an Australian Shepherd and a Border Collie.

While it is a little overwhelming to become puppy owners, we wanted to take it seriously and learn all we could about training. From a few friends who are big into dogs, we were recommended to watch training videos from Zak George and I have really enjoyed them. The more I watched, the more I realized that this is the same philosophy that we have tried to follow in parenting our six children. The basic premise is to reward positive behavior and redirect undesired behavior. As Zak stresses in his videos, the biggest mistake that new puppy parents make is to lose patience and become frustrated. This has definitely been true with our children as well.

I found myself wishing that I would have invested more time into training our first dog in order to learn and master these skills. I started to regret all the moments I have lost patience with my children and thought that if I had worked harder, I wouldn’t have had those moments. This is a vicious thought cycle that leads only to self-loathing and self-recrimination. I realized that I have been trying to develop and practice exactly those skills as I have worked to become a better dad. It hit me that part of the reason I am prepared to dive into puppy training is precisely because I have been working on the skills needed. So there is nothing to regret.

The final piece that is hard for me is how much easier it is to be patient and forgiving with a puppy than a child. I have thought a lot about this, because it has been hurtful to my children at times when I lose patience with them and then treat the puppy with kindness and forgiveness. I think that it all comes down to expectations. I expect that the puppy is going to have behaviors that I dislike, and I am prepared to deal with them. As much as I say to myself that I expect my children to also have undesired behaviors, I still find myself disappointed when they do not immediately follow instructions or when they act out. It has been helpful for me, particularly with the thirteen-year-old, to remind myself in the moment, “She is a puppy too.”

In the end, the key for me is an increase in compassion. I need to practice compassion for the puppy who is learning and adapting to a new life and trying to understand the training we do with him. I need to practice compassion for the children who are trying to figure themselves out and how to live and learn in this crazy world. And I need to practice compassion for myself. I am trying my best, just like the puppy.

Follow up to the four-year-old’s card. She was trying to recreate from memory the fruit pictures on her wall 😂

Hard to be mad at a four-year-old for being out of bed when she is writing a note all by herself that says “I love Dad.” 🥰

Not quite sure what the images are supposed to be though… 😳

Came home to a picturesque scene from my wife’s few minutes alone

🎥 Ralph Breaks the Internet

With five older kids

I don’t know anything about this site, but appreciated the perspective on self-care and having to make hard choices to get your life in order. This Is What ‘Self-Care’ REALLY Means, Because It’s Not All Salt Baths And Chocolate Cake - Thought Catalog

If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with “treating yourself” and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness.

Good day today, despite being sick. Had a great chat with a friend, watched a movie with the older kids, built LEGOs with the younger kids, and played Breath of the Wild while the kids watched. Didn’t get done all I wanted, but spent my time with the people that matter. ✅

Just beat The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild for the first time (got it Nov 29). I think my kids were even more excited than I to defeat the last enemy. It’s been such a fun thing for them to enjoy watching me play so much. 🎮

So excited for Christmas! Such a magical time with small children. 🎄🧦🎁

Early Christmas present. 🐶❤️ Theoretically for our oldest daughter, but I’m loving him just as much.

📖 Toll

By Matt Gemmell

🎥 Aquaman

With IT department

📖 🎧 Star Wars: Thrawn Alliances

By Timothy Zahn

Lessons in motivation from a six-year-old

I had an interesting experience with my son last night that reminded me of an important lesson.

The context

In our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have no paid ministry but accept voluntary assignments to serve. As part of that, we all take turns cleaning our church building on a regular basis. Last night was our family’s turn.

The story

I took our oldest four kids to help me clean, while my wife put the younger two to bed. My six-year-old wanted to come help me vacuum the chapel room, but quickly announced how bored he was. I assigned him the job of moving the cord so that I didn’t trip on it and it didn’t get stuck. He continued to complain about the lameness of his task. Surprisingly, my sage advice about how service is not always what we want to do was not particularly helpful in changing his attitude. He announced, “I wanna vacuum!” I tried tell him that he needed to be taller to work the vacuum properly, but with no effect.

Finally, I decided to take a different tack. I realized that we were halfway done, and it had been about ten minutes. “Last time I had this job,” I told him, “I vacuumed by myself and it took a full hour. This time, because of your help, we are going way faster. We make a great team!” It was like a switch had been flipped. He jumped up and ran forward to grab the cord and make sure I had some slack.

We continued through the rest of the room like that, with him jumping at each opportunity to smooth the way. As we neared completion, he asked again, “Dad, could I try to vacuum?” I realized that he mattered more than a perfect vacuuming job.

The lesson

As we drove home, I thought about what I had seen. There was a moment when the task transformed for my son, and it was a moment that I recognized happening in my own life. As soon as he understood how his contribution made a meaningful difference, his boredom changed to excitement. His perspective changed so that instead of being given a menial task with no consequence, he was helping to dramatically increase our capacity to serve.

So often, whether at work or in other areas of life, we can feel that we are plodding along, marking time. We see a role that seems to be more exciting or more prominent, and also cry out, “I wanna vacuum!” As a leader at work, part of my most important job is to help my team see how their contribution makes a meaningful difference. As an individual contributor, we all have the responsibility to seek out that meaning, or sometimes even to create it. Rarely are we truly stuck doing something that doesn’t matter at all. But often we lament that this is the case, instead of searching for meaning and purpose ourselves.

My hope is that I, and we all, can remember this vacuuming lesson from a six-year-old. Our perspective makes all the difference.

Finally decided to split up my internet presence a bit and put my personal stuff on a personal site (bennorris.org) separate from my business site (bsn.design). 🧔🏻

My 9-yr-old walked over holding a slice of lemon, showing us that he was licking it. My wife said, “Great! Those are really healthy for you.”

Son: “Ugh, I don’t want it any more.”

Me: “Actually, they turn you into a mutant.”

Son, pausing to consider: “Well, I’ll try it…”

These are a couple of wallpapers I sketched recently for my phone to help me with mindfulness. 🧘🏻‍♂️

📖 🎧 Star Wars: Thrawn

By Timothy Zahn

This has been a great week. I’m thrilled to release another new app: Carrier. For those times when you went to message someone and realized it was the wrong time, but forgot later, now just schedule it. Learn more here.

As I return back to work after a nice vacation with family, I have to face questions about motivation and whether I am doing what I really love.

I submitted two personal apps over the break, and was reminded how much I love building and creating and delivering. At work, I am now a manager, and have the opportunity to help drive our mobile strategy, but it also means that I get to code and ship much less. I am finding this to be a drain on my soul. This doesn’t necessarily mean that I need to quit or change jobs or anything that drastic. But I need to make sure that I am managing my time effectively so that I can continue to do what I love, even in the context of what I need to do. There are (almost) always opportunities for carving out space to do what feeds your soul amidst the daily pressures of commitments you have made. I am not sure where I see myself a few years from now, but I know that I need to be intentional about it. Here’s to a productive December!

📖 🎧 Star Wars: Outbound Flight

By Timothy Zahn

Happy Thanksgiving all! Even in a crazy world, there is so much to be grateful for.

🎥 Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

With brother-in-law

Really excited to ship my new app Agendum just before the holidays. If you’ve ever needed to present or run a meeting, check it out here!

I’ve been working on a new app the last couple months, and I’m getting really close to wrapping it up and shipping it. Such a great feeling!